Chapter 1: Young Adulthood and Pathways to Eternal Marriage
This week's topic was marriage preparation. There are a lot of interesting things we went over this week, but what stood out to me the most was how dating has essentially deteriorated over the past few decades. Dating is a thing of the past - something we hear our parents talk about. Sure, maybe it seems old-fashioned or out of date, but traditional dating had many benefits.
Jason S. Carroll says, "One of the best ways to understand how this new period of emerging adulthood is influencing preparation for later marriage and family life is to look at the defining characteristics of the current dating and courtship culture. Numerous scholars have noted that the culture of dating that young adults experience today is markedly different from the one experienced by their parents and grandparents. In particular, these family professionals have noted an erosion of traditional courtship patterns and a dating culture that lacks socially defined norms, rituals, and relationship milestones to guide young people toward marriage." (p.4)
There are four reasons for this change in and lack of dating:
1. Pessimism about marriage: Our society has become divorce-ridden. As such, many young adults have seen their parents, aunts/uncles, or someone close to them go through divorce. Instead of preparing for marriage, it seems as though young adults are preparing for divorce. Putting marriage off is a consequence of this. Why get married if you're only going to get divorced?
2. Getting ahead before getting wed: Another prevailing societal trend with dating is that you need to be financially stable before getting married. These financial criteria include being independent of your parents, finished with your education, and have a stable long-term career. Carroll says, "While research confirms that marrying after your teenage years and getting more education are associated with greater marital stability, there is also strong evidence that an attitude of personal independence may weaken some marriages by undermining the need for mutual partnership among couples." (p.5)
3. Hanging out and Hooking up: Instead of the traditional "going out on dates," the culture seems to be "hanging out" which is much more informal. The more hanging out occurs, the more blurred the lines are on where two people may be at in their relationship. A result of this is hooking up, where there is a lack of commitment and no expectations for a future relationship.
4. Acceptance of cohabitation: Carroll says, "Studies on cohabitation and later marital success have consistently found that couples who cohabit before marriage are more likely to divorce than couples who do not cohabit before marriage" (p.5). There are disadvantages to cohabiting before marriage, where there has not been any identified disadvantages for following the former way of dating and mating, which does not include cohabitation before marriage.
In short, the deterioration of dating has an affect on the deterioration on marriage. So maybe our parents really are smarter than we are. Maybe they, and generations before them, knew what they were doing when dating was fun and casual, but also clear in its intentions. Isn't this enough evidence to bring dating back? Or is it too late to reverse the damage?
