Redefining Marriage

First of all, I understand this is a sensitive topic, so I want to direct everyone here. This website, created and supported by the Church does a much better job approaching this topic than I do!

But I want to focus on is the issue of redefining marriage. Historically, there are many examples of the importance of marriage to a society as a whole. (Prepare for a whole lot of quotes, but I promise, they're good!)
~Aristotle said that marriage is "the foundation of the republic and the prototype of friendship."
~The textbook, on page 279 says, "Plato and Aristotle prescribed a set of laws governing the ideal ages, qualities, and duties of husband and wife to each other and to their children 'to ensure that marital couples would remain bonded together for the sake of their children.'"
~St. Augustine said marriage is a "faithful and sincere fellowship... the seedbed of a city... the foundation of domestic peace."
~St. John Chrysostom said, "The love of husband and wife is the force that welds society together.... Because when harmony prevails, the children are raised well, the household is kept in order, and neighbors and relatives praise the result. Great benefits, both for families and states, are thus produced."

                                                Still there? Hang with me for just two more!

~David W. Murray, an anthropologist, said, "Marriage is a society's cultural infrastructure." Regarding this, the text states, "All communities are built upon an infrastructure that consists of the basic institutions on which the preservation and functioning of the community are dependent. Marriage and marital families are part of the substructure, the foundation for social relations. Societies and communities with weak and unstable marriages and families have weak and unstable (typically corrupt and dysfunctional) economic, social, and political relations, as well, and concomitantly, significant impediments to growth and development." (p.281) 

~The text also states, "In these times of increasing individualism, isolation, and alienation in post-industrial societies, family bonds and relations are waning... family integrity has declined as centrifugal forces such as child-bearing out of wedlock, nonmarital cohabitation, and divorce have increased, fragmenting families. The decline in family integrity is accompanied by and associated with the decline in civic participation and community life. The relationship between family disintegration and loss of civic commitment is complex, but undeniably there is a significant relationship." (p.280)

Now this is the point I wanted to get to....

"Not all intimate relationships are equal; not all provide the same benefits for adults or the same advantages for children. Marriage, the legal union of a man and a woman, creates a uniquely powerful and positive family relationship that benefits not only those members of the relationship and their family, but all of society. Mere legal positivism in the form of calling other relationships 'marriages' does not magically transform them into real marriages or change their nature, characteristics, or qualities into those of dual-gender marriages." (p. 281)

So, the point I am trying to get at is that same-sex marriage really does effect everyone (as does single parenting). Take religion out of it and get down to the very core. The evidence shows that traditional marriage, between a man and a woman, creates stable homes, stable communities, stable economies, and stable nations. It's hard to deny hundreds of years of history.

Back Again!

Well hello!

I'm back to this blog for a semester-long project for my FAML100, The Family: A Proclamation to the World class. The project is called the Family Proclamation Project, and I've decided to blog every week about principles and insights learned from our readings. I'm so excited to be back to this blog! Last fall I took a Parenting class and I really wish I would have blogged for that class as well. 

I'm hoping this blog will be beneficial to anyone who may read it. This may sound selfish, but I really feel that I'll gain a lot out of blogging this semester! So here we go!

The Warm, Happy Marriage: Cold Hard Facts to Consider

This week we had a chapter to read in Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives by Hawkins, Dollahite and Draper. First of all, I am absolutely loving this textbook and the research it presents in combination with The Proclamation. This particular chapter was by Elizabeth VanDenBerghe and Alan J. Hawkins.

This chapter begins by explaining that the research regarding the benefits of marriage continues to present itself and creep up to "Everest-like proportions." Regarding this, the text says, "At some point, the accumulating evidence made data-driven academics stop and scratch their heads and follow the facts to a more sanguine picture of marriage. They had to conclude it was good. A stable marriage corresponded with happiness, health, prosperity and the well-being of offspring and communities" (p.70). The current prevailing state of mind within our nation is that marriage is just a piece of paper, a commitment that makes no difference in the lives of the couple. I can see how you would think that living together wouldn't be much different than a legal document binding two people together in marital bliss. But let's look at an example...

In chapter two of The Case for Marriage by Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher (read for my FAML300 class), we read about Matt and Dina, a couple who cohabited, married, divorced and then remarried. After getting married they discovered that marriage really is more than just a ceremony. The chapter reads, "Getting married changed the way they thought about each other. And changed the way others treated them. For Matt, at twenty, the change was disorienting: 'Marriage means something particular in our society,' he says, 'but we weren't as committed to one another as marriage actually means in this culture.' They were young, far from settled down, partying with the rest of their crowd who were all still unmarried. After two years of marriage, they decided to divorce, he says, 'to readjust our statutory relationship to mirror our actual relationship. We were out of sync. We weren't married, we were living together'" (p.14). Matt and Dina later go on to describe how their marriage fell apart when they tried to live the rules of a cohabiting couple after they signed that one piece of paper that made them husband and wife.

(This chapter was an incredibly interesting read. I highly suggest it!)

So, what are the benefits of marriage?

"An extensive body of evidence documents that married adults are clearly healthier and their non-married counterparts. They have lower rates of morbidity and mortality, and their health benefits persist even with factors such as race, income and health status prior to marriage are taken into account... At older ages, married people are significantly healthier and experience fewer physical limitations in daily activities than their non-married counterparts. As for being unfulfilled and stifled, married people are generally happier, the studies find, with greater life satisfaction, lower risk for depression, and greater economic stability, all contributing to better mental health" (p.71). 

So why the negative view of marriage? Why is there so much divorce?

As the chapter explains, the biggest roadblock that marriages run into is the individual couple's expectation of the marriage versus the reality of marriage. Romantic relationships, which are idealized in our culture by movies, music and television are not made up of the components that create a lasting union between husband and wife. "Research confirms that a marriage founded on realistic expectations as opposed to fantasy manages to satisfy the deep, human need for emotional and physical closeness throughout life's ups and downs" (p.72). 

Quite possibly my favorite insight from this entire chapter is that successful marriages are made in the mundane moments. I love this paragraph, which reads, "According to Dr. Gottman, 'comical as it may sound, romance actually grows when a couple are in the supermarket and the wife says, 'Are we out of bleach?' and the husband says, 'I don't know. Let me go get some just in case,' instead of shrugging apathetically.' Filming and analyzing interactions between hundreds of married couples has enabled Dr. Gottman to predict which marriages will thrive and which are in trouble. A high indicator of success consists of the mundane moments, which, he writes, 'any Hollywood film editor would relegate to the cutting room floor" (p.72). 

If we can get past our desire for a Notebook-like romance and realize that romance grows through mutual respect, love and service, our marriages can be of great worth to our physical health, mental health, and overall well-being throughout the course of our lives. 

"Both the soft stories and the hard evidence attest to the fact that good marriages are undeniably worth the work, sacrifice and dedication they require. The benefits of marriage are unique; the disadvantages of alternative family forms are real, profound, and all too common. The benefits begin at the marriage ceremony; extend into the lives of husbands, wives, and their children across time; then stretch out to bolster neighborhoods, communities and the world at large" (p.76).