Defending the Sanctity of Life

This is my last topic of the semester and I'm really sad about it! I've loved blogging about a lot of these topics and I've appreciated some of the feedback I've received from a few people. I'm happy to make a difference in just one person's life!

My final topic is one that I feel very strongly about, especially due to the media attention it is receiving in Texas lately.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World, states, "We affirm the sanctity of life and its importance in God's eternal plan."

So what then is life?

The textbook says, "The etymology of the Old English word for life includes meanings such as 'body; and 'person,' or that which 'remains' and 'continues.' Life can be defined as a condition of sustained regenerative activity, energy, expression, or power that human beings and other animate creatures experience." (p.291)

What is abortion?

The roots of the word "abort" come from Latin. "Ab" translates to "off, away," and "or-ri" translates to "arise, appear, come into being."

"To abort literally means to 'cut off the existence of someone' or to 'cause someone to disappear."

In 1996, Mother Teresa said, "Many people are deeply concerned with the children of India, with the children of Africa where quite a few die of hunger. Many people are also concerned about all the violence in this great country of the United States. These concerns are very good. But often these same people are not concerned with the millions who are being killed by the deliberate decision of their own mothers. And this is what is the greatest destroyer of peace today - abortion, which brings people to such blindness. By abortion, the mother kills even her own child to solve her problems. And, by abortion, the father is told that he does not have to take any responsibility at all for the child he has brought into the world. That father is likely to put other women into the same trouble. So abortion leads to abortion. Any country that accepts abortion is not teaching its people to love but to use violence to get what they want. This is why the greatest destroyer of love and peace is abortion."

I'm going to leave my post there, and I want to direct you to an article I read that has changed a lot of lives and also solidified a lot of people's beliefs about being pro-life. I strongly encourage you to take the time to read it! Click here.

Redefining Marriage

First of all, I understand this is a sensitive topic, so I want to direct everyone here. This website, created and supported by the Church does a much better job approaching this topic than I do!

But I want to focus on is the issue of redefining marriage. Historically, there are many examples of the importance of marriage to a society as a whole. (Prepare for a whole lot of quotes, but I promise, they're good!)
~Aristotle said that marriage is "the foundation of the republic and the prototype of friendship."
~The textbook, on page 279 says, "Plato and Aristotle prescribed a set of laws governing the ideal ages, qualities, and duties of husband and wife to each other and to their children 'to ensure that marital couples would remain bonded together for the sake of their children.'"
~St. Augustine said marriage is a "faithful and sincere fellowship... the seedbed of a city... the foundation of domestic peace."
~St. John Chrysostom said, "The love of husband and wife is the force that welds society together.... Because when harmony prevails, the children are raised well, the household is kept in order, and neighbors and relatives praise the result. Great benefits, both for families and states, are thus produced."

                                                Still there? Hang with me for just two more!

~David W. Murray, an anthropologist, said, "Marriage is a society's cultural infrastructure." Regarding this, the text states, "All communities are built upon an infrastructure that consists of the basic institutions on which the preservation and functioning of the community are dependent. Marriage and marital families are part of the substructure, the foundation for social relations. Societies and communities with weak and unstable marriages and families have weak and unstable (typically corrupt and dysfunctional) economic, social, and political relations, as well, and concomitantly, significant impediments to growth and development." (p.281) 

~The text also states, "In these times of increasing individualism, isolation, and alienation in post-industrial societies, family bonds and relations are waning... family integrity has declined as centrifugal forces such as child-bearing out of wedlock, nonmarital cohabitation, and divorce have increased, fragmenting families. The decline in family integrity is accompanied by and associated with the decline in civic participation and community life. The relationship between family disintegration and loss of civic commitment is complex, but undeniably there is a significant relationship." (p.280)

Now this is the point I wanted to get to....

"Not all intimate relationships are equal; not all provide the same benefits for adults or the same advantages for children. Marriage, the legal union of a man and a woman, creates a uniquely powerful and positive family relationship that benefits not only those members of the relationship and their family, but all of society. Mere legal positivism in the form of calling other relationships 'marriages' does not magically transform them into real marriages or change their nature, characteristics, or qualities into those of dual-gender marriages." (p. 281)

So, the point I am trying to get at is that same-sex marriage really does effect everyone (as does single parenting). Take religion out of it and get down to the very core. The evidence shows that traditional marriage, between a man and a woman, creates stable homes, stable communities, stable economies, and stable nations. It's hard to deny hundreds of years of history.

LDSFS and Adoption

"I think the hardest part for me was just giving up control and deciding that I was going to be okay even if I didn't get what I wanted."

I loved reading and studying the chapter in our book about LDS Family Services and Adoption. I've always been really interested in LDSFS and am hoping to get an internship with them next year!

The video above really highlights the blessings that can come from adoption. It focuses on the adoptive family aspect of adoption, but I think it's incredibly important to remember that when a couple adopts, there is a woman who so graciously and selflessly chose to give up her child.

Regarding adoption, LDS church leaders have said, "When a man and woman conceive a child outside of marriage, every effort should be made to encourage them to marry. When the probability of a successful marriage is unlikely due to age or other circumstances, the unmarried parents should be counseled to work with LDS Family Services to place the child for adoption, providing an opportunity for the baby to be sealed to temple-worthy parents. Adoption is an unselfish, loving decision that blesses both the birth parents and the child in this life and in eternity." (p.163)

Birth Parents

The decision to give up a child is most certainly not an easy one. This video shows just a few of the emotions that a birth mother or birth parent might go through while struggling with and deciding to go forward with adoption. When a birth mother decides to give her child up for adoption, that does not automatically free them from feeling and dealing with hard emotions. Kenneth Matheson, the author of chapter fifteen in Successful Marriages and Families says, "LDSFS has the philosophy that, although the lives of both the birth parents and the child may ultimately be better because of adoption, the birth parents' mixed emotions are natural and need to be expressed and understood rather than dismissed." (p.164) Earlier, Brother Matheson suggests that birth mothers still feel a natural anxiousness about doing the best thing for their child. Worrying about the adoptive family and the life that the child may have is a common part of the process of adoption.

Adoptive Parents

"One study reported that there are about two million couples in the United States waiting to adopt a child." (p.165)

The choice to adopt is one that should be made between the couple and the Lord. Adopting is an incredible blessing to couples who are unable to naturally conceive, or who feel a prompting or desire to add to their family through adoption. President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "Never forget that these little ones are the sons and daughters of God and that yours is a custodial relationship to them, that He was a parent before you were parents and that He has not relinquished His parental rights or interest in these His little ones. Now, love them, take care of them... Rear your children in love, in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Take care of your little ones... Welcome them into your homes, and nurture and love them with all of your hearts."

Adding to this, Brother Matheson said, "We are asked by Heavenly Father to be stewards over the children who come to us. In this light and by the power of temple ordinances, adopted children sealed to their parents in the temple are their children as much as if they had conceived them." (p. 165)

I strongly believe that adoption is another means through which our Father in Heaven may want some children to become a part of a family. As couples prayerfully consider adoption for their families, LDSFS can be an incredibly valuable source of support and information.

For additional reading and information on LDSFS, go here.

The Crossroads of Divorce

"Marriage between man and woman is essential to God's eternal plan."

-The Family: A Proclamation to the World

I think all of us have been affected by divorce in one way or another, whether it be yourself, your parents, a sibling, or a friend. Divorce has become increasingly more common as a result of the no-fault bill passed in 1969. 

"In 1969, Governor Ronald Reagan of California made what he later admitted was one of the biggest mistakes of his political life. Seeking to eliminate the strife and deception often associated with the legal regime of fault-based divorce, Reagan signed the nation's first no-fault divorce bill. The new law eliminated the need for couples to fabricate spousal wrongdoing in pursuit of a divorce; indeed, one likely reason for Reagan's decision to sign the bill was that his first wife, Jane Wyman, had unfairly accused him of "mental cruelty" to obtain a divorce in 1948. But no-fault divorce also gutted marriage of its legal power to bind husband and wife, allowing one spouse to dissolve a marriage for any reason — or for no reason at all."

-The Evolution of Divorce, W. Bradford Wilcox

(I highly, highly, highly suggest reading this article. I found it very interesting!)

Unfortunately, this seems to be an increasingly popular take on divorce...

So let's talk statistics for a minute:

-Research has shown the first five years of marriage to be at the greatest risk for divorce

-In 75% of divorced couples at least one person regrets divorcing one year after the breakup

-Only about 30% of U.S. couples that divorce try to reconcile before divorcing

-Most couples do not seek out counseling before divorcing

-75% of individuals report being happy or very happy a few years after contemplating divorce and rating lowest on the marital satisfaction scale

(All statistics come from Successful Marriages and Families, Ch. 8, p.82-82)

Well then, statistics show that divorce happens all too often and is usually regretted by at least one of the former spouses.

I do want to take a minute to state that there are certainly circumstances where divorce is needed and is essential. Regarding "just cause" for divorce, President Faust has said, "In my opinion, 'just cause' should be nothing less serious than a prolonged and apparently irredeemable relationship which is destructive of a person's dignity as a human being. At the same time, I have strong feelings about what is not provocation for breaking the sacred covenants of marriage. Surely it is not simply 'mental distress' nor 'personality differences,' nor 'having grown apart,' nor 'having fallen out of love.' this is especially so where there are children." (Successful Marriages and Families, Ch. 8, p.80)

What then is the best course of action when a marriage is at the crossroads of divorce?

"If we find ourselves at the crossroads of divorce, the best path usually is to seek divine help to change course and repair the marriage." (Successful Marriages and Families, Ch 8, p.85)

Elder Oaks says it best in this talk on divorce, parts of which are read in the following video.

As I've grown up, I've seen countless examples of marriages that endured and persisted even through the darkest days and darkest hours. Many of those marriages have one thing in common: they don't allow the "d" word in their marriage. A BYU graduate in Marriage and Family Studies explains this so well in her blog post about how she threatened divorce. 

I also highly suggest this General Conference talk by L. Whitney Clayton on marriage.

Healing and Forgiveness

"There are few things so completely contrary to the plan of our Heavenly Father than the problem of abuse. Abuse involves hurting, demeaning, and controlling others, and often the worst types of abuse take place within families."

-Successful Marriage and Families, Chapter 24: Understanding Abuse in Family Life by Kay Bradford and Jason B. Whiting

LDS church leaders have given this definition of abuse:

"Abuse is the physical, emotional, sexual, or spiritual mistreatment of others. It may not only harm the body, but it can deeply affect the mind and spirit, destroying faith and causing confusion, doubt, mistrust, guilt, and fear."

I think we all have a pretty good idea of the seriousness of abuse as well as the different types of abuse. For my purposes in this post, I would like to focus on healing and forgiveness. 

This following video is an incredibly powerful example of the effects forgiveness can have on our lives, as well as the lives of the abuser, or anyone who has hurt us in any way.

An anonymous survivor of abuse spoke about her healing process of more than 20 years. This person said, "I had never really understood the healing power of the Atonement. I had no idea how personal and penetrating it could be, no idea that it could heal my broken heart and take away the pain and hurt and anger and bitterness that I had been feeling for so many years." (Successful Marriages and Families, p.263)

I think it's important to note the differences between Chris' experience and the experience of the anonymous survivor. We all have different experiences and we all forgive in different ways, including different periods of time. 

While I have never suffered any forms of serious abuse, I do know what it feels like to go through the long process of healing and forgiveness. As we focus on making progress and applying the atonement in our lives, we will start to feel a change. Sure, it may be a slow change, but I promise with all of my heart that even just the smallest dose of the atonement in our lives can make a huge difference.

When it comes to forgiveness and healing, focus on progress, not perfection.

After all, that's what Christ's grace is all about - making up for where we lack.

He is there and He will help.

For further reading on healing from abuse, I highly suggest this talk by Richard G. Scott.

I was tempted to just use that for my entire post!