Coping Mechanisms

This week we talked about family stress and coping. There are three main ineffective coping skills in dealing with family crisis.

1. Avoidance: When you're dealing with a crisis using avoidance, you acknowledge that a problem exists, but you avoid confronting and dealing with it.
2. Denial: Denial is a defense mechanism that people use, in which they don't believe that the problem exists. They're literally in denial.
3. Scapegoating: When someone scapegoats, they place the blame on someone or something else in order to make them feel better

I found in reading and talking about these different coping mechanisms that I tend to use avoidance when dealing with a crisis. Although denial is the most common used technique, its actually very hard for me to be in denial. I'm constantly thinking about the crisis at hand, but I won't confront it and deal with it with other people.

There are some different proper coping tools and techniques. If we take responsibility of our actions and admit our faults, the other people involved in the situation will be likely to follow suit. It takes maturity and creates maturity to take responsibility, but it's empowering. Even if not one else takes responsibility, it decreases stress in the relationship.
Another way to properly cope is called reframing. Reframing means redefining the meaning of something and changing your perspective on a situation. In my experience, when I've stepped in someone else's shoes and look from their perspective, the crisis is almost completely resolved. It takes humility and confidence to be able to look at yourself and the faults others see in you. We all have them, let's all admit it :)
Balancing self concern with your concern for others is also important in coping. I've known a few people who have spent their whole lives serving others, never doing anything for themselves. While that's incredibly self-less and admirable to a degree, you always need to find time for yourself. It's vital to make sure that your needs are being met, otherwise you'll serve yourself to death!
Lastly, affirming your own family's worth is important. In times of crisis we all need to remember that our family is strong, of worth, and has the capacity to get over what the crisis may be.

Family crisis isn't fun, but it's bound to happen and most of the time you don't know when. It's important for all of us to be practicing these coping skills in our current relationships, whether in college, newlyweds, married with children, or eighty years old :)