Healing and Forgiveness

"There are few things so completely contrary to the plan of our Heavenly Father than the problem of abuse. Abuse involves hurting, demeaning, and controlling others, and often the worst types of abuse take place within families."

-Successful Marriage and Families, Chapter 24: Understanding Abuse in Family Life by Kay Bradford and Jason B. Whiting

LDS church leaders have given this definition of abuse:

"Abuse is the physical, emotional, sexual, or spiritual mistreatment of others. It may not only harm the body, but it can deeply affect the mind and spirit, destroying faith and causing confusion, doubt, mistrust, guilt, and fear."

I think we all have a pretty good idea of the seriousness of abuse as well as the different types of abuse. For my purposes in this post, I would like to focus on healing and forgiveness. 

This following video is an incredibly powerful example of the effects forgiveness can have on our lives, as well as the lives of the abuser, or anyone who has hurt us in any way.

An anonymous survivor of abuse spoke about her healing process of more than 20 years. This person said, "I had never really understood the healing power of the Atonement. I had no idea how personal and penetrating it could be, no idea that it could heal my broken heart and take away the pain and hurt and anger and bitterness that I had been feeling for so many years." (Successful Marriages and Families, p.263)

I think it's important to note the differences between Chris' experience and the experience of the anonymous survivor. We all have different experiences and we all forgive in different ways, including different periods of time. 

While I have never suffered any forms of serious abuse, I do know what it feels like to go through the long process of healing and forgiveness. As we focus on making progress and applying the atonement in our lives, we will start to feel a change. Sure, it may be a slow change, but I promise with all of my heart that even just the smallest dose of the atonement in our lives can make a huge difference.

When it comes to forgiveness and healing, focus on progress, not perfection.

After all, that's what Christ's grace is all about - making up for where we lack.

He is there and He will help.

For further reading on healing from abuse, I highly suggest this talk by Richard G. Scott.

I was tempted to just use that for my entire post!

Inactivity in the Family

"The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally."

-The Family: A Proclamation to the World

The chapter I'm focusing on from the textbook for this post is Chapter 16, They Cannot Be Lost: Temple Covenants Save Families by Kyle L. Pehrson, Ron Cook, and Nancy L. Madsen. This topic hits home for me as I'm sure it does for most members of the church. This chapter was absolutely amazing and so comforting to me. As such, I'm going to let a few amazing quotes from the reading do the talking. 

"Few family challenges are of more significance and have long-term implications than when family members fall away from correct principles and eventually become involved in serious transgressions."

"The shepherd will find his sheep. They were his before they were yours - long before he entrusted them to your care; and you cannot begin to love them as he loves them. They have but strayed in ignorance from the Path of Right, and God is merciful to ignorance. Only the fullness of knowledge brings the fullness of accountability. Our Heavenly Father is far more merciful, infinitely more charitable, than even the best of his servants, and the Everlasting Gospel is mightier in power to save than our narrow finite minds can comprehend."

-Elder Orson F. Whitney

"Our Heavenly Father knows, far better than any mortal, the pain and sorrow associated with having children who exercise their moral agency to their condemnation rather than exaltation. Can there be any better parent than God? Children's decision may bring us sorrow, no matter how faithfully we have taught our children. This consolation does not excuse families from their obligation to teach and model correct principles and try to lead their children to Christ, but it does bring a clearer perspective of the divine work of parents and families."

I would like to add here, that this goes for any family member that may stray, whether it be a sibling, child, parent, or grandparent. Our Father in Heaven understands better than anyone the pain associated with watching them struggle to find happiness, and He knows better than anyone how to be an example to follow. 

The video below focuses on the power of the atonement lifting burdens in our lives. I feel that this applies to all of us, whether it be burdens from personal transgression, or burdens from seeing those you love most transgress. Whatever the case may be, Christ's atonement is there to help lift those burdens from your life. He can help. He will help. He wants to help.