Equal Partership in Marriage

Chapter 4: Equal Partnership between Men and Women in Families

 It's no secret that this class is religious in nature. While it is based on the LDS church's The Family: A Proclamation to the World and the textbook, Successful Marriage and Families comes out of BYU, the research contained is mainly secular in nature. That said, I strongly believe that what is contained within this textbook applies to every marriage and family, no matter the religious affiliation. 

This week we read a chapter regarding equal partnership within marriage. The Family: A Proclamation to the World, states, "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners." The key word we're going to focus on is equal. 

The past handful of decades have demonstrated how many women felt suppressed, unequal, and inferior to men - even their very own husbands. Hudson and Miller state, "Outgrowths of the women's movement were the abilities of women to attain greater education and to work in a wider range of professions and occupations. As women became better educated, they were less willing to accept subordinated positions in their marital relationships." (p.42)

Today I'd like to argue the case for equality between men and women in a every marriage, no matter the roles that are played by the husband and wife.

What does equality mean? Hudson and Miller explain, "Equality is all too often used to mean 'identity'; that is, that two equal things must be identical to each other. Such usage represents a fallen and harmful understanding of equality that is espoused by Lucifer, who passionately wants all to be 'like himself'." (p.38) The text goes on to say:

In contrast, Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin taught: 'The lord did not people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to value the piccolos of the world. Every instrument is precious and adds to the complex beauty of the symphony. All of Heavenly Father's children are different in some degree, yet each has his own beautiful sound that adds depth and richness to the whole.'

So equality does not mean that we have to have the same degrees, the same income, or have attained the same level of knowledge. Equality simply means that marriage is approached in the manner that each spouse feels as though they are equal with one another. The text reads, "In considering the equal partnership envisioned by the proclamation on the family, Elder L. Tom Perry puts it eloquently: 'There is not a president or a vice president in a family.' We have copresidents working 'together eternally for the good of their family.' In other words, 'they are on equal footing. They plan and organize the affairs of the family jointly and unanimously as they move forward.'" (p.41)

Within a marriage there are certainly differences in the roles of each spouse. The important thing to understand is that there is "difference without hierarchy" (p.41). Along with this there is "distinctiveness without inequality" (p.41).

Alright, now lets get to the cold hard facts. What are the benefits of equal partnership in marriage?

Research has shown that couples with equal relationships are typically happier, are more effective in their parenting, have better functioning children, are also more positive in their individual well-being, and are more satisfied with their marital quality (p.43). Why is this? Spouses who have more equality within their marriage tend to have more positive interactions within their relationships which has an effect on their marital happiness and happiness within the family. Hudson and Miller add, "In addition, couples that are equal partners are significantly less likely to experience verbal aggression and physical violence. Moreover, there is evidence that equal partners are more satisfied with the quality of the physical intimacy in their relationship." (p.43)

The research on equality is astounding, going so far as showing that spouses who have more equality within their marriage tend to be better parents. The reasoning behind this being that the spouses work as a team to parent. Speaking about relationships with less equality, Hudson and Miller state, "They are less likely to support each other and form a united front when disciplining their children. They are more likely to triangulate their children, which entails bringing one or more children into the parent's struggles and having the children take sides." (p.43)

In summary, equality in marriage comes down to each spouse regarding the other with respect, dignity, and love, and coming together as a team in their marriage and parenting. The research shows that equality within marriage has profound effects on both spouses, their relationship, and the children in the family. 

"As we have seen, the family proclamation's exhortation to equal partnership in marriage does not mean that husband and wife are identical, but it does mean that in a very real and meaningful sense they must stand as equals before each other to find the joy that is their heritage in marriage." (p.44)